Dear Pomona community,
You are disgraceful. You have done the worst thing imaginable: occupying property. Occupations might be the worst thing in the world, ever. Because of you, Carnegie Hall is a heaping ruin right now! Don’t bother checking: the ashes are raining down so thick that you can’t see outside. We are telling the truth–Do not check.
The destruction is unimaginable. Imagine what we did when we found graffiti. When we found broken AV equipment. We even saw Economics textbooks. Hideous. The worst was the bathrooms, where we found the narstiest dongs drawn on the stalls. We found my phone in the toilet, broken. Even my shoes were defaced. It will take DECADES to get the toilet paper off them!
Due to your extensive damage, which we seem to have adequately accounted for in the last 5 hours, given this email, Carnegie Hall will be closed. While we figure out how much damage was done, we ask the community for patience and understanding. Additionally, the perpetrators of this tragedy may be expelled without warning.
There will be punishment. Anyone who has ever worn a mask will be given COVID. The entire Board of Trustees will cough on you and spit in your mouth, personally. We will tell your parents you have been very bad children!!! We will take less financial aid students, and personally fund Israeli munitions, instead of indirectly through the endowment (uncontrollable/tragic).
Pomona College is extraordinary. Nowhere on Earth is there another Pomona College. Nowhere on Earth has any building been briefly occupied. Nowhere on Earth has there ever been such a destructive occupation. You hypocrites. This is where we draw the line. Your actions have only made our commitment to justice, accountability, and transparency stronger.
Sincerely,
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