On Friday, October 27th, Brandon Smith was disciplined for smoking a cigar in class. We reached out to Brandon for comment. “I don’t understand what the big deal is.” says Brandon. “I’ve been having some mind-blowing conversations with the really interesting guy who is the host of the class. “It’s a sign of respect when I offer him a cigar. We’re just two interesting dudes having fascinating conversations.”
The Golden Antlers sit in on Brandon’s History of Cold War America class. “Professor, do you want yours on the rocks or neat?” Brandon asks his professor, Dr. Martin, as he takes out a bottle of whiskey. Dr. Martin responds: “Brandon, for the last time, there is no alcohol allowed in class.”
Dr. Martin begins lecturing about the CIA and FBI’s infiltration of political groups in the 1970’s. Multiple times in the lecture, Brandon cuts him off and says “WHOA, that is fascinating.” At another point, Brandon cuts off a student, saying “Wait so you’re telling me the US government has been hiding things from its citizens for at least 50 years now… really makes you think they’re probably communicating with aliens, and subconsciously telling women to not shave their legs.”
After class, we reached out to Dr. Martin for comment. “I don’t understand this guy. He keeps telling me he respects me as a ‘fellow alpha,’ and when I asked what he meant he started talking to me about chimpanzees or something, it was really weird.”
“Instead of taking notes in class, he takes one minute videos of my lecture, and edits bass boosted phonk music over them. Worst of all, he refuses to cite anything other than Joe Rogan podcast episodes in his essays.”