1. Talk super loudly in the dining halls
There are like 7 dining halls – treat them as your sanctuary. It can be hard to talk openly in other places so make the dining halls your safe space. I mean like there are 5 different colleges in the area – there’s no way the community can be that small. I’m sure no one you know will hear you, approach you, talk to you, join your table etc etc.
2. Download Tinder
Being mysterious does not mean that you have to live like a hermit. Get on the apps! Claremont is BIG – you will so not see your entire class on there. Your peers? Pfft no way you run into any of them, or all of them or your TA or your roommate or your RA. NO WAY. Hahahaha like that would be so funny. There’s no world in which you match with someone on your residential floor. No wayyyyyyyy.
3. Write for the TSL
The Student Life is a totally underground and unknown newspaper. If you want to pursue your dark academia dreams – that is the place to be. All posts are anonymous and tackle some very serious and riveting topics. No one knows who all write for the TSL – everyone is just forever in awe of their hard work. They serve this community in ways that other organizations could never.
4. Become a tour guide
Being a student is expensive, thankfully there are jobs that help you earn money while keeping up your mysterious front. As a tour guide you can take on a different persona, perform a role of sorts and have everyone asking: Who is the person behind the business card? I promise you will look so cool too – like it’s totally not lame when you trip and when your classmates see you suck the colleges off. Everyone thinks it’s super edgy and subversive. It’s like so cool when you repeat the same joke on every tour and then you wait for the parents to awkwardly laugh. That’s like some tough shit. Very punk rock.
5. Have a secret affair with your classmate
No one will find out!! There are so many colleges like it wont even matter. It’ll be a hot spicy romance just between the two of you and definitely not half of the Claremont collegiate population. And the walls are super thick so no one will hear you either! So live out your fantasy nice and loud. And don’t be nervous!! Most of the student body will definitely not know how you perform in bed. That only happens at weird small artsy schools. Not here! 50% of our student body is in STEM.