As the midterm elections are approaching, political debates are sure to come up during everyday conversations. Imagine you want to impress that special someone by showing off how well you can school your opponent when all of a sudden, they make an incredibly compelling and logical point. As opposed to admitting that their side may actually make sense, it is your turn to take the dispute to another level. To help you respond, we have curated the five best argument tactics.
“Lalala, I can’t hear you!”
If you can’t hear what your opponent is saying, you win by default.
“Stupid loser says ‘what?’”
A strategy as old as time. The second your opponent says, “what?” you know that they’re going home crying.
Animorph into a ferocious big cat.
I bet your opponent didn’t expect to have their head bitten off.
Sneak into their dorm, move all their furniture one inch to the right and switch out their shoes for a half size smaller.
Nothing wins an argument faster than inducing a psychotic episode.
Get to know their parents. Gradually strengthen your relationship with them. Start by taking them out to brunch several times before moving on to dinner dates. Soon enough, they’ll be inviting you to their family events and church services. Subconsciously convince them of their child’s uselessness in their life. “They really need to be more independent,” you say. Eventually, you have entirely replaced them in the family. You move into their old room. Mom and dad are so proud of your accomplishments. This is when you strike. Convince dad that mom is having an affair, creating irreversible damage to their relationship. You help dad find someone to get back at mom with, and from there, the job is done. They will naturally fall out of love and get a divorce within the next five to six months.
People hate family drama.
If none of the above work, start a riot at the Capitol building. Post all over Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram, ensuring that the masses will show. Among these masses will be your opponent, as you have used subliminal messaging in your social media posts directed only at them. You set up extra cameras beforehand, so you will definitely catch your opponent storming the Capitol on video. This case will be taken to court, and the stormers will be criminally prosecuted. Deliver a package to the judge containing the video tapes, name, and address of your opponent. Fate will take it from there.