(A singular tech bro walks into the room. He wears a blank t-shirt, shorts, and maybe even a chain if he’s feeling a little gay. His hairline is CRAZY.) “Hello, everyone. We are excited to announce the next big step in the Golden Antlers – Comedy.” (The room fills with applause, and laughter, and crying.) “And, to do this, we are developing something brand new for the company – Satire”
“We’ve reported the real news here at this organization since 1888. And just this year, we won 17 awards at the California College Media Association. But we’re ready to throw it all away to pursue our true passion: making fun of CMC men.” (The laughter turns to screams as several members of the audience go into cardiac arrest since we are TOO FUNNY.)
“The TSL has inspired us to do better, and to change. Their satire writing is beautiful – so please join us in mourning our deceased senses of reporting “news” and celebrating changing everything about ourselves to be more like them.” (Every single member of the audience pulls a flute of champagne out of their Secret Pocket, cheersing).
“I’m proud to announce our first new article in this new era of Funny.”