We’ve all been there: you’re walking out of McConnell and you look down to see you’ve stolen two fistfuls McConnell forks again. Rats! Be not afraid – there’s plenty you can do with these nifty little Things. Here’s five creative ideas to use your personal hoard of McConnell Forks!
1. Modernize Your Command Hooks
Command hooks are, like, so ugly. I’m so tired of seeing them in my room! As an ex-Pinterest mom I knew I had to fix this atrocity – so I stabbed some dining hall forks into my walls! My 2023 home decor obsession has been saw traps, and this is a cheap way to get the classic look! I’ve been hanging everything off of them: my bags, my TV, my hair extensions. Yeah, my roommate won’t look me in the eye anymore, but like, his loss.
2. Morse Code Stick and Poke Tattoo
Who doesn’t love a good stick and poke? I don’t know what four dots in Morse Code translate to, and I’m guessing you don’t either. But if you want something quick, meaningless, and painful, there’s no better tattoo to get.
3. Make a wish at the Frary fountain!
Name a sacrifice better than tossing one of your forks into the fountain for an eternity of good luck – no, that one Titanic scene doesn’t count. Nobody carries around lame ass coins anymore, but I know for sure that I have at least thirty McConnell forks in my bag at all times. I do it for the thrill, and for the love of the sport. But I’m willing to let a couple go for my own good luck. Plus, it makes it extra funny when I watch the Pomona freshmen getting thrown in the fountain for their birthday.
4. Play Spiky Spoons
Who doesn’t love a good game of spoons, but with a little dangerous twist. It’s just as good as the original Spoons, it’s just. Fuck. I’m bleeding I think. Why did you guys all point the spiky sides at me? Did I do something to you? What the hell. I totally got that first, too, you just stole it from me while I was checking on my hand. No, I’m not “out”. Redo the round. REDO THE FUCKING ROUND!
5. New CMC Art Project
A couple loops – a long, glass thing – a tower that you know cost a lot too much money. CMC is filled with some of the greatest worst art in the country. What’s stopping you from dumping your fork hoard in the middle of the Cube and making CMC pay you for it? You can tape a fork to each of the plates on the walls of Collin’s, or stab them into your eyes as an innovative piece of performance art. Plus, if CMC doesn’t pay you enough to at least cover tuition, you can put forks in their eyes too.
Goodbye!