in , , ,

Help! I Found Candy In My Roommate’s Halloween Molly

Ooooooooh spooooky

Dear Editor,

I’m writing to you because I don’t know who else to turn to, and I’m scared. Last night, my roommate and I were preparing our Kravis and Roberts Halloween costumes together, and making sure we had enough room in our pockets for all the drugs we were planning to do. Everything was going great, but when my roommate left the room, I looked in his bag to see if there was any more molly, and all I found was…I can hardly even say it. I found a bag of…Reese’s Pieces.

I don’t even know what to say. I thought college was supposed to be a safe place to do as many drugs as you possibly can without becoming legally comatose. Especially on Halloween. So to find out that there could be candy mixed in with our Halloween drugs is terrifying. For all I know, the weed we’re supposed to smoke tomorrow morning could be laced with Skittles. What’s next? Spiking the jungle juice at Mead with Pixy Stix?

Let this be a reminder to you all of the dark side of this spooky holiday. Roommates, please check all your friends’ drugs before going out for the night. You never know what kind of sick, twisted maniac might have hid candy in there.


Frightened Francis


Leave a Reply



“We Will Continue To Treat Every Member Of Our Community With Respect,” Writes Palpatine In Email To Imperial Forces

Dear Registrar: Does Storming the Scripps Halloween Party Count for My Praxis Requirement?