Wednesday, Nov. 29 – This Wednesday evening, famed war criminal and UN International Criminal Court hide and seek champion, passed away. According to friends and family, Kissinger died after seeing his Spotify wrapped for 2023.
The unconvicted mass murderer was so devastated that none of Taylor Swift’s Eras tour songs appeared on his top songs list he passed away on the spot.
“Henry had been waiting all year for his wrapped to come out, all he wanted was to see Taylor as his #1 artist, but instead his list was filled with a mix of Weezer and Phonk remixes,” said friend and fellow war criminal Dick Cheney.
On Kissinger’s passing, we reached out to Cecil the Sagehen, who said “Kissinger may be able to escape the judgment of the Hague, but he won’t be able to escape the harsh, unprejudiced, and enduring judgement of the Lord. Go Sagehens!”