The medical establishment doesn’t have an answer, and neither do we. It’s the case of Pomelo Anderson, an aspiring pirate recently diagnosed with Lime disease AND scurvy at the same time!
This has challenged some of our biggest assumptions in medical science. I don’t know what Lime Disease is, precisely, or how it is spelled, I think with an L, but I do know what limes are — that’s right, chock full of vitamin C. What else is chock full of vitamin C? People who are immune to scurvy. What is scurvy? A lack of vitamin C. It does not add up. I am not a doctor but I do know some math.
Do you see what I’m driving at here? Pomelo Anderson has Lime disease. He is bedridden, probably with limes. Pomelo Anderson also has scurvy, which limes prevent. Is nobody worried?
Initially doctors denied that Pomelo had one or the other. But his bleeding gums and festering tick bites (unrelated) changed their tune. The head of the CDC, Jo Biden (no relation) had to acknowledge, “we don’t know what Lime disease is.” CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!
Until recently, scurvy was dead like other diseases: measles, polio, and socialism. Public health initiatives modeled on the Reagan administration’s response to AIDS, like NICOTINE (National, International Citrus Optimization & Tangerine Initiatives Newly Established) had resulted in 90% scurvy cessation since 1985. Over 15 lives were estimated to be saved.
But now, scurvy might be breaking through. Did it mutate? I don’t know. I tried talking to Pomelo Anderson at the nation’s premier hospital, South Cleveland Mental Institute, but the doctors shouted at me and said, “go back to your cell: we’re taking your phone away!!”
They did not take away my phone, however, and that is why I am breaking this news to you, the audience: you are not safe. They will get you. The bugs will get you. Eat as many lemons as you can. Drink Sprite. Do not eat limes they do not work! Help me I am stuck help help help