Amid growing demand from students who just couldn’t hack it in media studies, Pitzer College has announced the creation of an inheritance department. The first-of-its-kind interdisciplinary program will prepare students for successful careers as heirs, heiresses, and heirxsses.
“We want to give students a sense for what it’s like to work as a full-time nepo baby,” said department chair The Ghost of Sam Walton. “That’s why all our major requirements are completely optional, so students can get a chance to experience coasting on daddy’s money.”
If they decide they feel like taking classes after all, they’ll be able to choose from exciting new courses such as Tax Havens and You, Hiring a Jewish Accountant, and The “Succession” Problem: How to Deal with a More Competent Sibling. These culminate in the major’s capstone project: an Instagram post from your fall break trip to Paris, Milan, and Barcelona.
“We felt that to further Pitzer’s commitment to social justice, we needed to do more work to support our students from a diverse range of income levels – specifically, our millionaire and billionaire students, especially during a time when these groups are under attack,” said Wanda Buffet, chair of Pitzer’s Board of Directors, in a press release.
But Moishe Finkelstein, her accountant, told a different story:
“We’re shit broke. If we don’t start literally begging these rich fucks for money we’re gonna have to start eating the chickens. We can’t keep waiting for Pomona to die so we inherit their endowment.”