Between his job as interim Scripps superintendent tsar, his seven classes in advanced falcon training, work-study as the friendly wizard that greets you in the village tavern, and critically-acclaimed film director with an emerging bouldering career on the side, PomonaCMCMudd Man in your Intro to Anthropology class wants you to know that he really really can’t meet today, or tomorrow, actually.
“Well yeah like I know we all have busy schedules, but I’m taking this class for a Social Science GE and I have like real homework for my major I have to do which is way harder than this class. And I actually have class on Friday at 8 a.m. and don’t get a three day weekend like the rest of you, so really this group project is kinda unfair to me. Why can’t we just meet during class? No, I know the professor is lecturing then, but he doesn’t know what he’s talking about anyway.”
Anonymous sources—PomonaCMCMudd Man in a soul-bearing, oddly intimate email to all of the 5Cs airing his grievances—have informed us that it is the professor that is “one hundred percent the problem here, a super mean dude who won’t let me—I mean us—just work by ourselves, like this is my last requirement I need to knock out and don’t understand why I have to work with other people who don’t have the same schedule as me.”
He claimed to have written this on the professor’s Rate My Professor page as well, but with a few creative tweaks—one being crafting the review entirely in iambic tetrameter because “he can do all that humanities shit too.”
PomonaCMCMudd Man describes his ideal class as one that “meets once, maybe twice a week, and allows substantial time for my side gig of frolicking in an enchanted meadow in slow-motion style, letting the soft blades of the grass caress my calves and lull me into blissful oblivion.”
When further questioned about this extracurricular, he described it as a “typical Friday night gig, super low-key, and something that gets the blood pumping” and declined to answer any further questions on the matter. “But like I really do have to be there cause they take attendance so I can’t meet you guys on Friday—can we pick a different day?”
Currently submitting his resume with every assignment he turns in to his professors, PomonaCMCMudd Man is constantly looking to expand his horizons, and even asked us if we would like to include a file attachment of his recent art portfolio he created entitled MUSE in this article.
We disrespectfully declined. But you can DM him on Instagram if you want to see it—his username is @supergains_aponderpowerhouse, and his bio states that he is “just an ordinary guy searching for beauty in unfamiliar places.”
Oh and, before you ask, he can’t meet on Sunday either.