CMC students (+7C Guests) awaiting the Monte Carlo party were surprised today to see a surge in wristband prices, compounded with fees. This change comes as a result of the newly unveiled merger between Live Nation and CMC, and has has heightened Monte Carlo’s notorious exclusivity.
Responding to outrage among CMC students (+7C Guests), ASCMC explained: “It is basic business to set prices according to multiple factors, including but not limited to supply, demand, the invisible Chodosh of the market, KRI (Kravis-Roberts Index), GDP, inflation, tax, economy, monies, and coins miscellaneous. We understand people may be upset by the new cost–$500 for CMC, $1,000 for non-CMC–however, the previous price point ($5 for CMC, $10 for non-CMC) was based on the markets at the time. We are the markets now.”
Clayton isn’t even hurt most by the merger. +7C Guests are charged even more, with all of them being charged a “29.09 Loser Fee,” in addition to school-specific taxes. Cecilia CARW (PO ’28) paid a $47.47 “Fuck Pomona Fee.” Martin Lockheed (HM ’25) paid a $13i “Gross Fee”; Hilary Interiminy (SC ’28) paid a $19.20 “Suffragist Movement Apology Fee”; Jack Herer (PZ ’Whenever) paid a $420 “Foot Visibility Violation Fee.”
CMC Admin and ASCMC released a statement that dismissed any concerns over antitrust violations, saying they trust the markets wholeheartedly.
They also said:
“We are teaching our students to be The Big Dog. In the business world, profit is prophet. CMC must win and train our little tots to eat stupid consumers for money. If there’s a bear market, we will have the most cocaine. If there’s a Farmer’s market, we will own all corn. If there’s a bull market, we will get million horns. This is sex, too! You gotta have capital if you want to tap it all. This is what Big Dogs believe, and what this merger shows.”
Students remain steadfast in their disdain for the merger, but wristbands have continued to sell, especially among Capital One Venture Cardholders.