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in Mahmood A.

CMC Trustee Finances Regime Changes in Central America to Impress Scripps Mistress

The Golden Antlers recently obtained a number of declassified documents exposing illicit actions taken by a current Claremont Mckenna College trustee through a Freedom of Information Act request. The information contained in said documents is shocking: they reveal that Mr. Scrooge McDuckerson, during his senior year at CMC, financed clandestine operations in various Central American […] More

by Mahmood A February 9, 2022, 2:14 pm
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in GA

In Effort to Promote Diversity and Inclusion, CMC Organizes Student Hajj Around the Cube

President Chodosh said in a note to the board of trustees on Friday that Claremont McKenna College is committed to promoting diversity and inclusion on campus by planning more events celebrating different identities and cultures. Chodosh mentioned that the college is very behind on its Strategic Plan (2002) of Diversity and Inclusion, and something had […] More

by Mahmood A November 27, 2021, 2:40 pm
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in GA

CMC to Hold CMC Only Parties in an Effort to Encourage Selective Breeding

CMC is encouraging intra-school mating by excluding less fertile spouses from other schools at TNC. The hope is that more CMC students drunkenly make out with each other rather than drunkenly make out substandard mates. More

by Ava H November 20, 2021, 5:41 pm
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in GA

By Literally Making Students Chase Their Food, CMC Reminds Everyone that Basic Sustenance Is Something You Must Earn

We talked to CMC President Hiram Chodosh about why the college chose to buy a food truck that no one uses. “Well, we here at Claremont McKenna College LOVE capitalism!! So we thought the food truck would be an apt metaphor for this school’s general guiding philosophy: success in the world is totally merit-based, and […] More

by The Golden Antlers September 19, 2021, 4:33 pm
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in Sam Peterson

Merriam-Kravis Dictionary of Words We’re Allowed to Put on the Internet

We at the Golden Antlers know this time of year can be daunting for new students. We’ve all been there before: trying to find our way to classes, “accidentally” eating brownies for the first time, and deciding which shade of salmon short best matches our boat shoes. To help you guys with this transition, we’ve […] More

by Sam Peterson September 12, 2016, 12:42 pm
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in Brendan Busch

Incoming Students Banished To Freshman Island

Welcome to Claremont, Class of 2020! Due to the recent CMC housing crisis (which has already forced some new students to move to off-campus apartments north of Mudd) (Did you know there was land north of Mudd?), DOS has decided to house a sizable number of freshmen in a mysterious location off the coast of […] More

by Brendan Busch August 21, 2016, 5:41 pm
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in GA, Liat K

Anti Party-Regulation Bros Done Even Pretending to Care About Racism Now Spellman has Resigned

The past few weeks at CMC have seen the formation of alliances between many groups of students. One unexpected alliance is that between the students of marginalized identities – who have legitimate grievances with the administration – and students of masculinized identities – whose grievances stem from only being allowed to play beer pong on almost […] More

by Liat Kaplan December 2, 2015, 4:21 pm
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in GA, Jack Gerstenberger

13 Things More Likely to Happen than the 16th Person Being Asked to Leave an Unregistered Party

The new drinking and party policy seems to have a lot of people worried about the social scene at CMC. The Golden Antlers is telling you not to worry. The following 13 things are all more likely to happen than you being the sixteenth person at an unregistered event and actually being told to leave […] More

by Jack Gerstenberger October 11, 2015, 4:00 pm
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in Author, Ben Turner, CMC, GA, School

Confession Time: I’m a Canadian and I Smoke Crack

In light of all the media attention surrounding Toronto Mayor Rob Ford, I have wanted to come clean about a couple of things. I took some time over American Thanksgiving to talk with my family as to how to best discuss these issues. To start, as many may not know, I am Canadian (it’s pretty […] More

by The Golden Antlers December 4, 2013, 3:22 pm
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in CMC, GA, Liat K

CMC’s “See a Nip, Save a Nip” Breast Cancer Fundraising Initiative Cancelled After Nearly Bankrupting School

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and no one is more aware of breasts than the students of Claremont Men’s College. This year, CMC arranged a unique fundraiser, the proceeds of which went to Susan G. Komen For The Cure. Any time students accidentally saw a bro’s nipple, they reported it to the administration who […] More

by The Golden Antlers October 10, 2013, 8:25 pm
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in Author, CMC, GA, Sam Pitcavage, School

The Right to Bare Arms: CMC Announces Controversial Bro-Tank Ban

Prompted by recent requests from the CMC Literature and Keck Science Chemistry departments, the student body received a notification via email that “tank-tops and other sleeveless cotton apparel” would no longer be advised for academic settings. When asked for further comment, Dean Spellwoman articulated, “the requests were made for a few reasons: tank-tops are too […] More

by The Golden Antlers June 18, 2013, 6:43 pm
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in 5C, Demetrius Lalanne, GA, Pitzer, Pomona, School, Scripps, The Assanaeum F**knightly

The Assanaeum F**knightly: Spicy Public V-Day Sex?

Dear D, “The big V-day is coming up and what better gift to give my hookup/mancandy than sex in public? Can you recommend a location on the 5C campus that won’t get us arrested or seriously injured? Any tips? – Budding Voyeur” My Dearest Budding Voyeur, You must be of the freakiest variety and only […] More

by The Golden Antlers February 10, 2013, 8:22 pm

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