I’m simply better than all of you. Your humor is so basic and boring. I am a true innovator. I am the arbiter of all humor. And if you don’t think so? There’s 67,000 people who think you’re an IDIOT. There’s never been a joke funnier than 6 7. Remember when Dean Eisenberg said six or seven when talking to the freshmen! Hahaha, that was so funny!
Now that we’ve established how epic and cool and funny I am—after all, I do have 67k Fizzups (hahaha that’s so funny 6 7 number)—so why don’t women like me???? I keep asking for sneaky links or casual hookups, but nothing happens! Whatever happened to “If you can make her laugh and giggle, you can make her ass clap and jiggle?????” Clearly the very wise and intelligent users of Fizz can see that I’m the prime male specimen, and if you can’t, you’re STUPID! What’s more attractive than a man who spends all his time thinking up the next funniest Fizz post?????? I just care soooooo much and I’m such a deep thinker (#fizzlosopher).
Anyways, time to post. I have a few ideas: a ragebait post called “petition to stop pitzer students from STANKIN up the RDSC,” the usual Friday “Where all the parties at tonite 👅👅👅” post, or “PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET ME HITTTT.” If I don’t get laid soon, I might have to turn to homosexuality because women just must not understand my very advanced humor. Actually, that gives me an idea for poll—“is it gay to fuck a guy just a couple times especially if it was a one time thing and you really didn’t enjoy it that much you just wanted to see what it felt like???????”