I’m young. I’m so young. I hit puberty DAYS ago. I’m NOT almost 20 and if you fucking dare to even suggest it I will FREAK OUT. I’m basically a high schooler. I only graduated like, 2 years ago if you really think about it. And like, what even is 2 years in the grand scheme of things? Time isn’t real!! Pre-school was like, yesterday to me–that’s why I’m so small and petite and frail and I’M NOT AN ADULT. If I get arrested I’m going to JUVY. And yes I may be “19 and turning 20 literally tomorrow” but I am NOT MILKING BEING A TEENAGER.
Everyday I wake up and my bones work fine. My joints are NOT raggedy and I can look at my beautiful, clear, teenage-skinned face. I love my life. All my professors LOVE ME and WANT ME because they are EVIL GAY GROOMERS. BECAUSE I AM A TEENAGER. This is EVERYTHING to me. I’ve never touched alcohol or weed because I am so young and developing. I can’t wait for the tits to come in.
I’M A TEENAGER. You guys don’t GET ME because you’re SOOOO OLD. And that’s just a fact about me that you need to accept. You guys are all like yucky gen-x oldies to me. ALSO, NO INTERVIEWS! I am basically a minor and that means you aren’t allowed to ask me questions if you are a news reporter. I think you can if my dad is there, I’ll ask him.
It’s sooooo hard being MONTHS, if not WEEKS younger than my peers. While they are taking classes and doing homework, I’m getting army recruitment texts and orgy offers from Matt Gaetz. I’m not even a minor! It’s just SUCH a different culture being 19 (young) than it is to be 20 (ancient) or even an older age than that. And that’s never going to change for me. Except for tomorrow, when I turn 20.
And I know what you’re thinking – “But, you have such an old soul! You’re so mature for your age! Sometimes you don’t get ID’d at the club! Don’t you understand what it’s like to be an adult?” And my answer is no. Similarly to the Euphoria actors playing characters half their age, sometimes I’m required to play a character double mine. But that doesn’t change who I really am. I’m a teenager. I’M A TEENAGER!
I’M A TEENAGER! I STEAL NAIL POLISH FROM THE CVS! I PARK MY CAR HORRIBLY! I GET GLARED AT BY OLD PEOPLE! I CAN DRINK A 4LOKO WITHOUT MY BODY SHUTTING DOWN! I AM VERY DESIRABLE TO FAMOUS ACTOR LEONARDO DICAPRIO! I can’t believe all of this is getting ripped away from me at midnight tonight.