1. A wax-figure of Adam Sandler in cargo shorts
2. Ephemerality
3. Three marbles
4. Amy Marcus Newhall
5. Professor Snape
6. Lara Tiedens
7. Jamie Lee Curtis – If you want longevity and loyalty, look no further. Curtis’ commitment to Activia yogurt is a testament to her admirable character. Curtis is in it for the long haul; she hasn’t abandoned our digestive systems, and she won’t abandon our school.
8. Level 4 Dental Dam Expert
9. A Dansko clog
10. Broken Chuck E Cheese Animatronic
11. A children’s improv troupe
12. Disgraced Architect of the Capitol, Brett Blanton
13. The freshly exhumed corpse of Johnny Cash
14. A well-timed cymbal crash
15. Just a really good shovel
16. The USS Nancy Reagan
17. Nancy Reagan
18. A dead horse
19. Bad rendition of the Star-Spangled Banner
20. Igloo specialist, Brady Baumgartner
21. A mellow Thursday night
22. A wax model of Madam Tussaud that gained sentience
23. A cruel twist of irony
24. As much Niagara Falls as we can carry
25. Randomly selected Barnard student
26. BIG EARTHWORMS!!!!!
27. Wine sommelier’s bucket
28. A single overripe grape
29. Cow hoof ASMR Repair Video
30. Vocaloid Hatsune Miku Japanese Anime Dakimakura Hugging Body Pillow Case Peach Skin Free Ship
31. Sediment from the River Jordan
32. A wobbly table
33. The next installment
of Frank Herbert’s Dune
34. Clotted Cream
35. Unfortunately Dry Beans
36. Active yeast colony
37. A box of mercury thermometers
38. Paula Deen
39. Wild Kratts (2011)
40. The entire cast of
Top Gun: Maverick
41. Crash (1996)
42. The executive board of
cough-drop titan Ricola
43. Another grove of orange trees
44. Working silver mine
45. Whatever guy did MK Ultra
46. Hit character actor
Margo Martindale
47. The Settlers of Catan
48. Leaded gasoline
49. The collected works of Ralph Waldo Emerson
50. A smoking gun
51. Prions
52. lydia tar
53. Amy Klobuchar
54. Deftones
55. Macklemore
56. my Aunt Marilyn
57. An afterthought
58. Shoe squeaking sounds
59. Some duck named Susie
60. A couple loose pieces of corn
61. Ron deSanctimonious
62. The entire US Army
63. Randomly selected CMC student
64. foghornsoundeffect.mp3
65. A computer that torrents every Adam Sandler movie
66. A really good Pinot
67. A really good peanut
68. Heidi Klum in a Shrek costume doing an impression of Reagan
69. An acquired taste
70. Pedro Pascal – There’s been nothing more moral-boosting since Queen Elizabeth died, and won’t be until King Charles dies
71. Notes of lavender and fresh citrus
72. One Bath and Body Works candle
73. Strom Thacker in a wig
74. Strom Thacker in a pig
75. Suzanne Keener
76. Suzanne Keenest
77. America’s Got Talent Winner Grace VanderWaal
78. Gramma Nutt from Candyland
79. Taylor Swift (she has a doctorate from NYU)
80. Ellen DeGeneres (was vegan)
81. Cardi B (diversity)
83. Pete Davidson (more diversity)
84. Gwyneth Paltrow (no explanation needed)
85. Big Mo himself
86. A nice sativa
87. A tampon being used as a weathervane
88. The Board of Trustees
89. Half a warm beer
90. A collective sigh of defeat, followed by a Jello shot