Hey, you—take your hands out of your pants! We already know you’re excited for SCAMfest (the Southern California A Capella Music Festival) tonight! Before you step into Big Bridges for your two and a half hour eargasm sesh, we thought you should know what potential scams you should look out for tonight.
BIGGEST SCAM – Major Red Flag
A sense of community you have to buy for $15.
You MAY be getting scammed if:
They make you throw your drink out on the way in—DON’T DO IT! You can bring that BeatBox party punch inside. Say you’re a “sovereign citizen”!
Someone asks for you to pay for their ticket, just know they aren’t venmo-ing you back. Good luck repairing that friendship….
[Performers Only] You’re told that pre-show throat exercises include head. It’s just “fa-la-la” and “do-re-mi” (plus some weird diction thing).
Each group doesn’t sing the Star Spangled Banner before each performance. How Un-American!
You have to print a ticket on their HP – DeskJet 2734e Wireless All-In-One Inkjet Printer–ink ain’t cheap, pal!!!
Nobody is doing FE!N.
Someone tells you that you can’t wear a condom at the post performance inter-group orgy. Singing a D5 does NOT prevent STDs!! Trust us, we tried it.
You’re paying to listen to student a cappella. You can do this for free at any party with drunk 5C students.
If you notice this, then you’re DEFINITELY getting scammed:
They’re not even doing this shit live, it’s just a recording of the Glee cover.
You’re told that the right to free speech doesn’t extend to yelling “FIRE!” in the auditorium. It’s what the Founding Fathers would have wanted.
The stage has no bisexual lighting. It’s just too many straight people wearing makeup.
YOU ARE ALLOWED TO BOO AT THE END OF THE SONG. DON’T LISTEN TO THEM, YOU ARE ALLOWED BOO.
Nobody offers you weed to “enhance” the listening experience.
[Performers Only] You DON’T have to share your group’s special vocal warmup with the visiting groups. Those are STATE SECRETS! You don’t owe the SoCal Vocals shit!
If the card scanner at the box office has a massive red blinking thing on it — it’s a Skimmer stealing your Claremont Cash.
Simon Cowell isn’t there to be a massive c*n₮.