1. EXPOSED: Shakespeare found to be dead this whole time
2. EXPOSED: your camera roll is filled with intimate joker/Batman edits
3. EXPOSED: Pitzer Econ department is a front for Malaysian cryptocurrency scam
4. EXPOSED: new water fountain in Pitzer only dispenses blood of rat king
5. EXPOSED: you are being followed
6. EXPOSED: don’t look now but the person behind you wearing the black hoodie has been watching you for the last hour
7. EXPOSED: it’s going to be okay, excuse yourself to the restroom and climb out the window then don’t stop running until you get home
8. EXPOSED: oh wait nvm you’re good that’s just Daniel he’s chill
9. EXPOSED: Redacted
