Co-Writers: Daisy S. and Guillermo M.
President Chodosh is hiding something deep and huge in the holes under Claremont Blvd. What could it be?
Claremont Boulevard has been closed for 7 months now as Claremont Mckenna College orchestrates construction down the six blocks between Foothill Blvd. and 6th street..
With the ongoing construction on Claremont Blvd. covered with a privacy screen, the layman’s view into CMC’s project is obstructed completely. Privacy screen? Yeah right. More like SMOKE SCREEN.
I am not one to speculate, or give into the voices in my head, but it seems like they do not want us to know. What are they hiding? Do we know? Does anyone?
As Tom Waits once wisely asked, what’s he building in there? No no, I am not one to speculate. I’ve just noticed that there have been murmurs… Oh there have been murmurs. The voices have been LOUD.
There are sinister forces right festering under our noses. Is anyone else wondering why they have been hearing no construction noises coming from Claremont Blvd during the day, but intense and hysterical sobbing at night? There must be thousands of tortured souls on that strip.
I have also seen some of the “construction workers” haul in water from the Pitzer pool, barrels of crude oil, and the inflation rate. I have tasted the fumes from the mines as far away as Frary. The other day I witnessed this with my both eyes as the ENTIRE county fair drove down Claremont Blvd. They opened that shit up, like an oyster.
As some might say, better out than in. The selectivity with which Claremont Blvd is open indicates they are up to no good. The evidence just keeps stacking.
I must be quick. Time is of the essence in getting this information to the public. They are trying to silence me—before that happens I must speak my truth. (For the last 40 weeks I’ve dedicated every waking moment of my time to unveil what they’ve been hiding. Here is everything I know so far.)
PROJECT DESIGN
For starters, in order to maintain optimal ventilation, the dimensions of a tunnel under Claremont Blvd. MUST be able to accommodate jet fans, unless of course, they are tapped into South Korean architectural research. At any rate, the dimensions of this tunnel are far greater than necessary, potentially leading to an imbalance between the upper air pressure and lower wind pressure caused by the jet fan.
Let me put this simply: They are NOT building a tunnel there; it is impossible, and do not ask why. I have several ideas as to what really lies under Claremont Blvd.
UNDERGROUND MISSILE SOLO
Child’s play. When CMC first proposed this extension to their campus, it was framed as an upgrade to Claremont Makenna. But what for? Rumor has it that Bauer center is perfectly functional. Home to the ROTC and a shooting range, with classrooms and offices atop, there is still one unfulfilled need a pre-professional school like CMC was always meant to cater to: warmongering.
Following the spirit of “Makena” (the school’s namesake if you remove a “n,” meaning abundance and bringing happiness) the underground appendage has the potential to add missile bringing capabilities to the Inland Empire.
REPLICATING SFO BIRD NOISE INSTALLATION BETWEEN GATES D and G
You know what I’m talking about, right? In SFO? Where you walk for 20 minutes through those “sounds of the city” hallways, but the only sound is bird chirping and that’s being blasted through the speakers? And you can’t even ever get away? And you can’t walk fast enough? Well, someone at CMC flew through SFO and experienced that purgatory. They decided CMC needed more of it. Purgatory, that is. Sounds of the city? More like sounds of Claremont Boulevard.
PARTICLE ACCELERATOR
Sometime last year, a student-led initiative to launder donation money under the guise of a startup fund appeared, they called it the Claremont Accelerator. Millions of dollars exchanged hands through that platform; the GDP grew, but so did something else: a smoke screen. As word spread on Claremont Blvd or maybe even Wall Street, the (finance) accelerator grew in popularity amongst venture capitalists skewing any google search results the actual (particle) accelerator. I do not have proof, but I have no doubts either.
One thing they don’t really tell you about finance-speak is that it heavily appropriates terms from other niches across the board. Quantum, LBO (Large Bowel Obstruction NOT Leveraged Buyout), Big, Data, Fair, Money, and of course, Accelerator. The raison d’etre, as research leads me to theorize, is to generate confusion in the untrained mind. Not in mine; my mind is strong. I have been following that air control guy on Reels, and I can say that I’m above his level. It gets lonely at the top.
And isn’t it weird that one of my least favorite words (BIG) just happens to be one of the actual real life partners of the RDSC? Hm? And isn’t it strange that ALL the RDSC partner names sound like I dreamt them? Trademark Concrete my ass and my beautiful mind. And isn’t it a little less peculiar, perhaps only nominally interesting, that the RDSC’s architectural partner is called Facade Fabrication. As the wise Phil Zuckerman often says: thinking thinking thinking…
WOMEN’S SPORTS BOWL
Womanhood comes with a lot of struggles, and society has conditioned women to hide behind closed doors, or.. or BURY THEM UNDERGROUND! In the words of renowned artist Lana Del Rey: “There’s a tunnel under [Claremont] Boulevard” – a rich metaphor that reminds the reader of the intricate relationship between concealing and forgetting.
This wouldn’t be the first time CMC has wanted us to forget about things they have swept UNDER the rug: professors in the Epstein files, cocaine overdoses, and midnight snack, just to name a few. There ARE chemtrails over this country club, partner! We know, we’ve been looking for them. So what are they trying to hide now, and why?
In conclusion, wait, wait, what’s happening. What was I talking about? Wha– where am I… What’s going on?? Who are you? WHO ARE YOU? You’re with Claremont Mckenna, aren’t you? You don’t want me telling the truth, BUT YOU’RE TOO LATE. THEY’LL KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING, YOU WON’T GET AWAY WITH TH-
Image Credit: Annie Bragdon