- Wear a Fatsuit while chowing down
Trick your brain into endorphins without any of the consequences 🤩
- Eat PLENTY of Fiber
Can be carpet or rope (pica-inclusive) or polyester (gender-inclusive). Liquor also has plenty of fiber if you lie well.
- Go to the Oldenborg Dining Hall and Sit At a Language that Has Good Food
Wow, it’s almost like you’re in Español! Or one of the other ones! (I don’t really go to Oldenborg that much).
Everyone at Oldenborg has to eat Yucca Fries, but if you pick the right table, it’s easier to imagine they taste like real food. Oldenborg! Go there for awesome! You don’t even have to talk in any language, as long as you keep your piggy mouth full nobody will bother you!
- Take Intuitive Eating to the Next Level
Merriam-Webster defines intuitive as what your dog does when it predicts an earthquake. You are hotter than a dog so you should be trying harder. Instead of intuitive eating (guesswork), do hypothesis eating (science). Observe your food. Question whether it is oh-so-scrumpdiddly-umptious. Hypothesize whether little stars will fly above your head when you take a bite of a big strawberry and cheeses, like the rat in Ratatouille. Experiment, Analysis, Conclusion — u feel me?
- Bake a Pie and Cool it in the Windowsill
So basically you should never be eating a pie without exercise. When you smell the pie you float and that takes a lot of effort. It is not like floating in the water which even people who don’t exercise at all can do very well. Or astronauts, they do not have gravity. Not just for cartoons; is for you. Real!
- Go to Daddy Ji in the Claremont Village
It is not overpriced that is a fair rate for whatever they put out there, which I think is a lot of meat and bread and $4 beverages. Do not ask why there is smoke coming out of the kitchen or why all the white waiters need bluetooth earpieces at all times. That is part of the charm.