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Career Services Center Releases New “What Can I Do With This Major?” Tool: Students Enter State of Existential Panic

 

At approximately 4:23 PDT CMC’s Career Services Center released an email to students detailing a series of support services they recently unveiled for the coming year.  After an impressive #4 ranking in Princeton Review’s “Best Career Services Center” category, it was no surprise to students that the school was beefing up its offerings for the coming school year.

The reincarnated “ClaremontConnect” promises a 7-college calendar of events and activities, interactive case interview practice software, and a worldwide job board and resource tool, yet the new “What Can I Do With This Major?: a resource for liberal arts majors outlining a variety of career areas, typical employers and career strategies” sparked major panic on campus.

“When I saw the email” explained American Studies major Robyn Carroll CMC ’14, “I just sort of sat back in my chair and was like, ‘oh shit. What can I do with this major? What. The. Fuck. Can. I. Do. With. This. Major.”  From Boswell to Fawcett to the Senior Apartments, anxious liberal arts students flooded the registrar’s office in the hopes of changing their majors.  Registrar & Director of Institutional Research Elizabeth Morgen explained to Golden Antlers reporters, “One student tried to convince me to change her degree in Jewelry Making with a specialization in pookah shell necklaces to a degree in Economics under the pretext that Native American tribes once used shells as currency!”

Yet the controversy does not end with students eager to drop their do-nothing majors.  Students who have recently used the portal disclose that the section “What Can I Do With This Major?” is specifically tailored to their interests and capabilities.  When economics, accounting, government, science, or math majors log on they are greeted by a list of on-campus recruiting events, a resume book that they may submit to, and a list of local companies who will provide mock interviews in the upcoming months.  However, if a student selects a “non-traditional” major such as art, dance, literature, film, gender studies, Spanish, French, or history, their welcome screen is slightly different as shown by this screenshot captured by an anonymous student roughly ten minutes after the email blast:

Screen Shot 2013-08-17 at 6.52.19 PMScreen Shot 2013-08-17 at 6.56.25 PM

Even worse, when pressed the CMConnect system does return “job options.”  Students majoring in the humanities, romance languages, or arts are greeted by this daunting list of future “careers.”

#1. Coal-mining.

Black Lung is the new black!
Black Lung is the new black!

#2. Assembly Line Worker

Reading Infinite Jest during your lunch break will probably even out the misery mass consumerism wreaks on your soul!
Reading Infinite Jest during your lunch break will probably even out the misery mass consumerism wreaks on your soul!

#3. Housewifery

Barefoot and pregnant! You’ll love it!  And if not, well, you’ve read The Bell Jar.
Barefoot and pregnant! You’ll love it! And if not, well, you’ve read The Bell Jar.

While we here at The Golden Antlers expected outrage and fury, most hardcore liberal arts majors expressed relief.  Amy Jackson CMC ’15, Media Studies major explained that CMConnect helped her find a career path that she felt her four years of humanities-based education will have prepared her for.  “Thank God,” she sighed, “I thought I was going to have to apply to Teach for America!”

– Clancy Tripp CMC ‘15

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