Did you know that Collins was cursed by a wizard, which is why it’s like that! In 1952, a wizard named Handalf the Hrey (the evil third cousin of more famous wizard Gandalf the Grey) was accidentally admitted into Claremont McKenna College. Handolf was using CMC as a hiding spot because the International Council of Wizards was hunting him.
After CMC realized Handolf was not in fact an 18-year-old from Fingringhoe, England, but rather a 1,800 year old wizard from Middle-Earth, they decided to expel him from the college
Uh-oh! Expelling Handalf made him angry! Turns out angering this petty wizard was a mistake. Before leaving CMC, Handolf snuck into Collins at 4:32am and recited the ancient chant: fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, I fucking hate you. This chant put a curse on Collins that has survived to this day.
Next time you’re in Collins and the entire CMS football team decides to sit at your already claimed table, or you go to Collins brunch and the aux is playing WAP on repeat, or you’re minding your own business, eating a meal with friends but some girl you’ve never met drops a bowl of tomato soup and somehow the soup flies all over the table, and up the wall, and onto the ceiling, and into your hair, you can blame Handalf and his curse. We’ve all had that last one happen; not just me, right? RIGHT?!
This raises an important question: how does one break Collins’ curse? The answer is simple, you must return to Collins at 4:47am with exactly 7 gold coins, then do the “No More Curses Dance”, and shout these words: “STOP IT! STOP IT! ENOUGH! WE GET IT!”
Or just let it stay cursed.