Need a Detective? Probably not Detective Feelabout. Detective Feelabout. Detective Feelabout has no pronoun – he is gay – is an academy flunk who does things differently. While most detectives say they’ll follow the scent, Detective Feelabout literally does it.
Detective Feelabout snoops a bit differently than expected. Instead of hacking phones and stealing therapy records (the usual), Detective Feelabout begins with a deep breath of UNDERWEAR. Who needs briefs when you have briefs? (Also, a whiff of ass works in a pinch.) What type of person is Detective Feelabout?
If you did not know, detectives should chase after smells and underwear. Detective Feelabout says Detective Feelabout does this because “me have dog in me.” Before we could inquire, Detective Feelabout started chasing after a big red truck full of mailmen. And besides, we aren’t detectives, just reporters.
Clients hate or love him. Usually, women hate him. Detective Feelabout told us, “me man’s best friend.” Maybe that’s why Vickie Katz (WOMAN) wouldn’t throw him a bone: “that guy is a fucking creep. He doesn’t even wear clothes. He just sits there and watches things go past. Mailmen. Cars. Bitches.”
Nonetheless, Feelabout’s investigations are dogged. The tailing? Superhuman. But it’s not enough for results. Sometimes, he’s left running in circles. In the last 3 cases, he has lost the trail at a body of water, been thrown off by tennis balls, and, embarrassingly for his age, slept through the whole day and pooped on the carpet. The question is this: can a dirty old dog ever learn new tricks?
[This one is kind of cerebral. You wouldn’t get it.]