Feeling down? It is important to remember when negative thoughts arise that, in reality, you are actually significantly worse than everyone around you. Compared to the average person you are inadequate physically, mentally, historically, biblically, sexually and asexually. Not to worry, there is one simple solution—identify positive traits in others and contrast them with your own failure!
Remember how you fucking suck? Ok, awesomesauce. Let’s say that you meet literally anybody else (who’s not you), aren’t they great? They probably get straight A’s and if they don’t it’s an act of resistance against the capitalist imperialist elitist education system. Either way they’re doing everything waaaaaaaay better than you. Remember the “I’m a better person than INSERT YOUR NAME HERE” grant that they won to perform open heart surgery on endangered Mesopotamian squirrels? If you got that grant (it’s a long shot) you would probably have shaky hands and kill the squirrel and have to tell the squirrel family their squirrel Dad is dead except you don’t speak squirrel so you can’t even do that right.
You’re too busy/lazy.
You’re too horny/stagnant.
You’re too brat/kamala harris.
You’re too they/them.
You’re too rich/poor/middle class.
You’re too gremlins/gremlins 2: the new batch.
You’re too redundant/repetitive.
You’re too redundant/repetitive.
To conclude, you are a disgrace to the family, school, king, crackhouse, and improv team. Nobody else feels this way about themselves besides you! You’re like if Judas was a twinky ivy league reject. How did any of this help anything? Fuck you! Other people would understand why our article is great advice.
P.S. You compare yourself to others too much. Normal people don’t do that.