“Just one more hit” said Pope Francis into the wee hours of 4/20. He was dead at 7:35 AM, April 21. The Vatican’s Secretary of State, Latinius Massius, said the Supreme Pontiff had, “just been trying to get JD Vance’s ghastly visage out of his head.” Clearly, this Pope wanted to go up in smoke.
Who will succeed Francis? The College of Cardinals will meet in the Vatican in two weeks. Church canon, unchanged for nearly two centuries, is very clear: whoever can roll the fattest blunt and absolutely “spark that shit up” gets dibs on Heavenly Father. The purer the burn, the whiter the smoke. Whitest wins! Look to the Sistine Chapel’s chimney for fat rips.