Cowrite: James D.
Hahaha! Look at my big boat! It can fit, like, 6 people if it’s not raining outside. You should totally come! We’re gonna post pictures of me and my two cousins (and they’re both wearing bikinis!) My grandparents invented the NASQAQ. My parents invented a tax loophole, I’m not sure which one because we don’t pay taxes. Get on my boat!!!!
We might go fishing but you have to promise to throw the fish back in! Poor people have to eat too, and we have dinner reservations at (Italian Name). Make sure to bring your blue baseball hat and Salt Life clothes for Instagram. I used to wear Vineyard Vines but I threw it all away because it got too affordable. Grab my rod! #justjokingbro
I hope this break isn’t like the last one with our old shitty boat. Last year my birkencrocs got soaked! We got rid of that boat and gave it to the White Lotus because we owed Max a favor. I can’t believe people like that boat, you should see our new one! The only part I’ll show online is the front pointy part because otherwise people might get jealous.
Have you seen White Lotus? I haven’t. I watched the first episode of every season and had to stop. It hit way too close to home (Hawaii, Italy, Thailand). Actually Thailand is kind of a second home for us whenever my dad starts thinking about prenups too hard.
Traveling is always so terrible. Unfortunately we have to fly to our boat. In the pre-check line we have to spit in their faces so they know who’s the boss. If you come make sure to save up a huge loogie. When we sit in first class, we’re forced to stare at all the people walking by us. It’s their fault for being so poor! Maybe their parents should’ve invented the Nasdaq.
Remember when they saw the green light across the water in the Great Gatsby? If I was in the Great Gatsby, I would just sail to the green light because I have a boat. I wouldn’t have to swim like lobsters or other tasty things we have on the boat. You should totally come sometime!
Also, you can’t come, because it’s a family vacation, and I don’t see you having the last name [top 500 company name]. So if you want to eat Paella (I said that with an accent) or spit a Zyn into the ocean (I said that with my mouth full (of Zyn)), then that sucks for you.
Don’t worry – in my spring break post I included ONE picture of me ‘downtown’ eating their ‘local food’ – I’m middle class, just like you!