Scripps Used-Tampon Suckers
Motto:
Your gush is my rush.
Profile:
Those with low blood iron.
Initiation Process:
Go to the communal bathrooms of Dorsey. Fish your hand in the happy boxes (little wall trashcans). Fist a big ole’ juicy, tissue-filled, bloody, sticky, and yummy used tampon. Suck on it.
Rolling in the Mud(d), Mudd Students Attracted To Pigs
Motto:
Oinc Oinc Bitch.
Profile:
People with open minds!
Initiation Process:
Roll around in the mud in the middle of campus, get on your knees, oinc, paint yourself pink. The orgy is at 3 am on Tuesday (in the mud, at Mudd).
Female CMC Debutante Society
Motto:
Classy, Sassy, and Future Trophy Wives.
Profile:
White.
Initiation Process:
Be a nepo baby, make out with your cousin!
Mudd Christian Dry Humping Club
Motto:
Freaky ahh but not going to hell
Profile:
Bible verse in Instagram bio.
Initiation Process:
Guess.
Pitzer Communism Club (but no one really knows what they’re talking about)
Motto:
True communism has never actually been tried.
Profile:
Infighters, pacifists.
Initiation Process:
Tell someone whose grandparents were re-educated by a communist regime that “sometimes things get messy.”
Pitzer Closeted Queer Conservatives Club
Motto:
Back to the closet — no trans allowed!
Profile:
Initiation Process:
Get on your knees and suck off a closeted CMC econ man who voted for Trump and lied about it. Ride his thin blue line!
P.S.S.A.C.S – Pomona Students Sexually Attracted to Cecil Sagehen
Motto:
Swag of Marvin Beak, face of Bombini Goosini
Profile:
Tour guides, Admissions, the unaware.
Initiation Process:
Find the storage locker where the Cecil Costume is and go all anime-waifu, loving, roommate sexiling, animal-style on that sexy animal.
Balancing Club
Motto:
Can you drive me to Balancing Club?
Profile:
Ex-moms, born-again chillers, teen dad.
Initiation Process:
Hold hands and chant with groups of Pitzer students and “others” while “exploring the gardens of the mind.”
