An Update From our Millennial Writer

Co-Writer: Abby S.

Oh, haiiiii! Just here to remind you that #MillenialGang is still standing strong. 😂 *Millennial Pause* Despite all of GenZ trying to cancel us (and our GOAT, Eminem), we are still here, and really heckin stronk! Well, my stomach is caving inwards thanks to early 2000s diet culture, but I’m still standing! #WeightWatchers #epic

I’m so sad Spoopy Season™ is over, but it’s okay because I’m even more excited for Grinchmas! This year for my holiday card, I plan to dress my widdle pupper (hairless and shaking, of course) up as ET! Aghhhh he’s such a smoll bean!!! Merp! Whoops, sometimes I can’t help myself! *self-regulation shriek* Phew. It’s hard being an adult-shaped baby! I need my formula (Coffee)!

SooOOoOoOo, today I did a thing. First I went into work—yes, Buzzfeed is still here—and there were no Dunkaroos! My evil stupid boss ate them all! Sometimes I wish I could cast a patronus against that stupid son of a dementor. Like, wy do ai haz to sit thru da bored meeting wid himm?

To get my revenge, I took him out back and shot him in the fucking head like the greedy, fat pig that he is was. What an absolute freaking hecking chunker.

Ermagerddddd now I’m on the run! Luckily, I have my trusty finger mustache on hand! The police will never recognize me! Just to be safe though, I’ve started dressing like you Tide-Pod-Eating GenZ freaks. Like, get in losers, let’s do the cinnamon challenge!