1. “Yeah so that’s not what a tariff is. It’s actually just going to raise prices.”
(NOTE: you may be asked to explain tariffs to your 87 year old grandmother. Sorry.)
2. “I know you wanted me to follow in Dad’s footsteps and study neuroscience, but I’m really drawn to a gender studies-dance double major.”
This is best used on someone wearing a red and/or buckled hat.
3. “I actually can’t go on our family hike tomorrow, I’ve got an abortion scheduled. If you get 6 in a month they give you your 7th free!”
(NOTE: ‘vaccine’ can replace ‘abortion’ for similar effect)
4. “What’s the lowest my GPA could be before you’d stop loving me?”
(For best results, make an ‘uh-oh’ face no matter what the answer is)
5. “I got us all tickets for a sing-along screening of the Wicked movie!”
Bonus points if you start humming the soundtrack. Everyone will be disgusted!