Growing up, I always saw posters around school that said, “THINK before you speak!”
Is it True?
Is it Helpful?
Is it Inspiring?
Is it Necessary?
Is it Kind?
I wondered who they were for, because I never saw the type of bullying you see on TV. The shoves against lockers or the swirlies in the turlet or the take their clothes and run after gym class. I thought that bullying was a thing of the past, eliminated by It Gets Better and Macklemore. I was wrong.
I submitted a religious studies paper last week and it was excellent. “The People’s Princess: Peach, the Mario Universe, and the Subversion of Infralapsarianism,” I called it. It was reminiscent of Princess Diana, what with all the racing cars and icons and rough-and-tumble of Mario. Still the essay was never too shrill, or “Diana” about it. It understood and tried to reckon with the religion of Mario and the cultural significance of Italia and Stato della Città del Vaticano. It was nuanced and beautiful and full of tension.
I thought Parker would love it. He was one of those down-to-earth professors, right? He didn’t even want us to call him by his formal name: Professor Bowles. And yet, oh, and yet! Right across the top: “Interesting topic and point of view! It’s well organized and well written. The argument could be strengthened and more focused.”
Just like that, my head spun ‘round and ‘round. Counterclockwise twice, then clockwise thrice. Where am I? I thought this was Scripps College, not the treacherous halls of Freaks and Geeks. Who could be so cruel? So fierce, and not even in the cool elgeebeeteequeueayaeplus way. I didn’t know I was being taught by Joffrey Baratheon or Judas Iscariot or Pam Bondi, or worse! The O’Captain, my captain from that one bildungsroman cinema film— if he was a downright prissy bitch.
“The argument could be strengthened?” Yes, and I could be better off dead! Up high, down low with an emphasis on the too slow. How dare he? I am only doing my best! What if someone had told Steve Jobs to focus on “relevance”? We might think macintosh was a literal apple. What is the relevance of the moon? There is none until we get there, and yet, should we not have gone (or pretended to… the shadows don’t line up).
Parker doesn’t understand anything!! I poured my heart and soul into that paper, just for Parker to tear it to pieces. Do you know how hard it is to add Mario Kart music to an essay? That is not public domain, and worse, it’s audio—not words!
I would like to think that the people in our tight-knit community at Scripps College would think before they spoke and that we could live peacefully in community. But I cannot deny the truth any more, not after what I have seen. Be careful out there. Bullies are lurking in broad daylight and they are wearing tweed and jeans—tweans. The worst of them have tenure.