Category: CMC

Golden Antlers Exclusive: Statistics on the Incoming Class of 2019

 

 Dear CMC Class of 2019, Winter break is drawing to a close, you’ve received your acceptance letters, and you’re already looking forward to coordinating shot glasses and bedspreads with your future roomie.  Lucky for you we’ve got the inside scoop on what your future classmates are going to be like. We hereby present the official collected
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Rose Institute to Host Next “Pilgrim Bros and NavaHoes TNC.” In Fucking Prison.

 

   Early this week the founding director of the Rose Institute of State and Local Government, David Alan Heslop was sentenced to 21 months in prison by a federal court for conspiracy to commit bribery and “for his role in a kickback scheme to defraud the Twenty-Nine Palms Band of Mission Indians.” This, surprisingly, was not
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Let the Games Begin: Scripps’ 88th Annual Hall Draw

 

 Early this morning, Scripps President Lori “Effie” Bettison-Varga’s 2014 Hall Draw announcement was leaked to the Golden Antlers. The bloodthirsty nature of the Scripps room selection process is legendary at the consortium, but those outside of the Scripps community (i.e. sexists) have never witnessed the true nature of the hall draw.  The Golden Antlers is
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